Someone is Trying to Kill Us.

I'm going to show you some pictures right now...and what you see may shock you.

Do not view the following images if you suffer from asthma, stomach pain, migraines, hypothermia, arthritis, myopia, a general feeling of helplessness, frequent cardiac arrest, spontaneous combustion, the flying Lillies, cramps, dandruff, warts, measles, chicken pox, smallpox, peanut allergies, bronchitis, cancer, AIDS, the inability to stand up for yourself, goosebumps, the Andromeda Strain, The Jimmies, the Jammies, or the Jams, fever, disturbia, dyslexia, arachniphobia, Zimmerman Reaction, or if you are a victim of happenstance, have recently played "savage women" in a large group setting, operated a BRUCKHEIMER equipped with an AMERICAN CHAMPION® Truck Hitch, or tried on men's boxer shorts in a Hecht's or competing department store in the past 14 days.

WARNING: YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS OF DEAD AND DYING HOUSEPLANTS. CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK:

as you can see, every one of our houseplants is on their very deathbed. THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN BY ACCIDENT. no. I suggest foul play.

perhaps it was...
VINNY, with the houseplants in the BAY WINDOW, with the GREEN CHILLY SAUCE?!
or, even more likely, MONICA, the large plant BY THE TV IN THE BASEMENT with the ZOMBIE HATCHET??!!?
JON, trying to frame SHERWIN by killing the houseplants ABOVE THE DVDS with the LEFTOVER SKETCHY RICE?!!!
or was it SHERWIN trying to frame NATHAN by doing away with the large houseplant IN THE LIVING ROOM with the HOT POCKET??

all of these are possible, but only the first two seem feasible. what we do know is that there's definitely something going on. I tried adding beer to one of the houseplants the other day and it did nothing. NOTHING. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS??!! my friends, we are dealing with something completely new. something unseen. something or someone is trying to cut off our oxygen supply, and I am going to get to the bottom of it.

-MC Mission Control