The Shower at Shiloh.

"Well, back into the torture chamber..."
-Ross Cantrell

Our shower is the greatest shower in existence. The above quote is in reference to our shower's unfailing quality of having the force of a jet engine firing knives of burning lava at your person.

let's start with the basics. hot showers rule. I got love for people who dig the cold shower, but it's not my thing. I like to start out with reasonably warm water and gradually, over the course of the next 20 minutes, turn the dial up until the heat makes it humanly impossible to survive. by the end of any normal shower I can expect to be exhausted from being tested by fire and proving my worth. so I love hot showers.


which brings us to Shiloh. The hot water is SO. HOT. it doesn't make sense. our shower uses the two-dial approach for temperature adjustments, so you have to get the correct setting between the Hot and Cold Dials in order to have a successful experience. however, this is impossible. this is because the dials are SUPER sensitive, and any adjustment whatsoever is either going to leave you a rotting corpse of ashes as you are instantly burned alive, or frozen solid as liquid ice (yes. LIQUID. ICE.) rains down, fusing your body with the tub in the blink of an eye. the reason all of this could hypothetically happen is that the sheer amount of water that comes from this showerhead defies the imagination. seriously, go ahead. turn it on. try it. as soon as you turn that dial, your life as you know it is over. water comes out of the showerhead so fast that five minutes' exposure of water to the opposing wall would likely cause massive erosion and threaten extinction of seventeen species of whale, including the narwhal which is endangered.

So the procedure for taking an effective shower at Shiloh is as follows:

1. Prepare psychologically. this is something you will not be ready for, and you need to be able to face the consequences if you suffer 3rd degree burns to the back or stomach.
2. map out the fastest way to the hospital, taking into consideration the time of day and present traffic conditions in the Fairfax area.
3. put on Biosuit.
4. have a bucket of cold water on hand in case a fire breaks out from the lava spewing from the showerhead.
5. fill out an emergency contact form and give it to one of the Shiloh Residents.
6. take out a ruler and turn the Hot dial 2cm to the left
7. take the same ruler and turn the Cold dial 1.5cm to the right
8. RUN.

In conclusion, messing with the Shiloh Shower is like messing with a grizzly bear.

now you know, and knowing is half the battle.