Shiloh's Cereal Bowls are Absurd

I am a huge cereal fan.

oh yes, it's no secret. I love cereal! In fact, I eat so much cereal (between two and five bowls per sitting) that if I were to average out my cereal consumption, it would likely come to about two bowls of cereal for every day I have been living on This Green Earth. When I eat cereal I like to concurrently indulge in fine reading. I know what you're thinking. The only example of fine reading you can come up with is Calvin and Hobbes, supplemented solely by The Far Side Gallery 4, which is precisely what I read when I eat cereal! The Calvin and Hobbes/cereal combo is unstoppable. I mostly eat the classics: Pops, Golden Grahams, Frosted Flakes, Trix, and my personal favorite, Fruity Pebbles. But (and this is a verifiable fact) I cannot physically resist getting the newest cereals:

*at Safeway*
Jon: hey Nathan c'mon let's go you've been standing in the cereal aisle for 10 minutes, we've gotta pay for this stuff and get back to Shiloh.
Nathan: Well why don't YOU try to make a decision when you're faced with Lucky Charms or the New Golden Frosted Flakes! This is hard!!
Jon: guh. *walks away shaking head*

So anyway, it stands to reason that, enjoying the experience of eating cereal as much as I do, I'd need the hardware to match my consumption. You have to start thinking not only about WHAT you're eating, but HOW you're eating it. I'll give an example. When you eat Frosted Mini-Wheats, you don't need a deep spoon, because Frosted Mini-Wheats soaks up a ton of milk. The mini-wheat itself is the milk reservoir. if you use a deep spoon you're going to have too much milk per spoonful, resulting in an unpleasant cereal-eating experience. The cereal bowl similarly needs to fit certain criteria. If your bowl is too shallow, you won't be able to add enough milk, if it's too deep you'll get too much milk, and if the circumference is below a certain threshold, you won't be able to pour enough cereal to have a decent meal.

so tell me, why am I dealing with THIS------>
every day?

I don't know if you can tell from the picture or not, but this bowl has the walls of Jericho. That's right, I can't see over the edge, that's how high these bowls are. Impossible to eat cereal out of. you can never be quite sure whether or not you've put in too much milk or too much cereal. These are the Bowls of Shiloh, just another reason this house rules so much!! We have about 50 of these things. They look great, they feel nice, but they pretty much suck for eating cereal out of. And there's no decent alternative, so until I get off my lazy butt and pick up a few cool bowls from the local thrift store, I'll have to subject myself to these oversized chinese teacups. guh.

At this point I know what you're thinking: "Nathan stop complaining; at least you have cool spoons to eat cereal with." Oh, really? Have you been over here? Do you even know who I am? Have you looked at your misshapen bowl of cereal, wondering how it could get any worse, only to realize that
THESE THINGS---->
are all you have to work with?

I'm not sure if you can tell, but this spoon is flat. 100%. Flat. Imagine trying to eat cereal out of a bowl thats main purpose is grinding herbs, struggling against all odds to get any inkling of milk to water the parched tongue, only to realize you're using an undersized aluminum spatula. It's like in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie when the turtles are all in April's antique store getting the crap kicked out of them by the Foot when suddenly Master Tatsu flips on the light switch and rolls in with like 100 more Foot Clan with axes. "Someone should tell them...we're the good guys." That's the level of frustration we're dealing with here.

I'd like to close with some wisdom I've picked up over the years.
1.) Spend money on the things and people you appreciate.
2.) Devote time to learning all you can.
3.) Stop being so lazy and effing do something with your life.
4.) Hang out with people.
5.) Jesus is the reason I am alive right now, and if you knew what I knew, you would want to know him too.
6.) Cereal is awesome.

My last request is this: if anyone reading this gets the chance to throw down on some Lucky Charms anytime soon, do it, because I sure as H E double-chopsticks won't be able to.

with love, wishing I could sit down and eat some effing cereal,
Emcee Mission Control